Writer’s block?

Are you an experienced writer? Do you blog, journal, or devote your time to penning an extra chapter of that secret novel you’ve been working on? If so I tip my metaphorical hat to you.

I feel deflated or lost. I crave to write, to find my natural writing discourse…but its evading me.

Perhaps the never ending world of the internet has the answers!

How do you stimulate your creative buzz? When you initially started dipping your timid toe in the waters, how did you find what to write about, your muse or motivation?

I’ve tried to explore writing as a daily exercise but seem to forever doubt my abilities to write anything of quality.

I encourage your tips, tricks and words of wisdom if you have any to spare.


Broken Hearts.

I haven’t blogged for awhile, the daily grind of life has been overbearing – suppressing my time and motivation alike. But, for those who know, writing or blogging can be the greatest of therapies.

I think it’s now time for me to lay on the figurative sofa and create my own counselling space.

I don’t have a need for a ‘safe’ space that seems to of become the norm of today’s society. I’m not easily offended or quick to upset (perhaps anger though). However, over the past week I have found myself wanting, no, needing a source of comfort and release.

Exactly a week ago today the big C stole the life of my much loved Uncle. I use the term ‘stole’ with complete intention. We didn’t loose him, and he didn’t quit. Cancer crept into his otherwise healthy life nearly 5 year’s ago and never left him alone since then. Then last Monday it stole him away from his family, his loved ones, his legacy.

It did not come as a shock, it was a phone call we had all been anticipating for months. But it didn’t numb the pain of the impact felt by us all. I have experienced death in my life previously, its not foreign to me, but I have never felt this depth of emptiness, or of anger at the world.

I came across this on one of my aimless internet trawls:


It seemed to resonate with my internal monologue at the current time. A gentle reminder that it’s okay not to be okay right now.

If you’re not feeling up to ‘life’ today, no worries, neither am I!


Conversation – who killed it?

via Daily Prompt: Conversation

Image result for conversation

There is most definitely a fine art to conversation, with some able to engage every minute piece of attention you have, and others who hold themselves at a distance with small-talk and mundane jibber-jabber.

It is only upon writing this that its struck me – when was the last meaningful conversation I had? What does a ‘meaningful’ conversation constitute? I suppose to me it means delving head first into a deep abyss of endless questioning, answering, differences of opinions and meetings of likewise minds. A deep conversation should stir up emotions, and a sense of closeness with your conversational counter part(s), that no other form of contact provides.

Everyday we talk, but do we converse? The saying “we don’t listen to hear, we listen to reply” has never felt more appropriate.  Has conversation been killed by the ease of short communications such as ‘tags’ on Facebook, or a comment on a post? In a room filled with people, how many are involved in a titillating conversation regarding politics, ambitions, secrets of the darkest kinds…and how many people are sat with their eyes glued to their phone screens killing their own conversations?

2018 – New year, New you?

Image result for new years

Each time the new year comes around it seems to force upon us the need for ‘change’. With the social convention of ‘New years resolutions’ it is almost blasphemous to not publicly convey to others what you intend to do differently – “I’ll quit smoking for good this time“, “I’ll join a gym and workout 3 evenings after work!” blah, blah, blah. This sense of conformity sits uncomfortably with myself. I’m a firm believer in changing for your own sake, or setting goals based on your ambitions. Not because the year is now going to be different so we enter panic mode.

365 days in a year. 365 opportunities for us to internally reflect and make the best of our decisions. Perhaps we should utilise those days more.

Question…How many people set themselves daily goals to achieve?

If so, are these small but significant things such as smiling to passersby on your commute, or giving your spare change to a charity collection?

Perhaps you set yourself daily goals relating to your career or hobbies, like reading a chapter of that new book or writing a page of that secret novel you’ve been working on?

Some people do this as part of their daily routine, until it becomes a natural habit. But they do so of their own accord. Some say this is a key part to having a successful life!

The point being is that we do not require a new year and a made up social convention to remind us to better ourselves. Well, perhaps some do need a reminder – who knows!!

Personally, I have come to the conclusion that it is quite depressing that we seem to hold ‘New Years Resolutions’ more responsible for invoking changes than we do in ourselves. That’s not to say it isn’t a positive action if you do set and stick to a resolution – good for you – but why wait for New Years?

I’ll leave you to ponder that thought…


The failures of friendship

Ive often felt like I’ve failed my friends. Infact, i know i have. Ive been the one that chose a relationship over a friendship, I’ve ditched people to move away and on to something else (usually only to return with my tail between my legs!), so its fair to say that through my own poor choices I’ve lost what i once considered good friends. 

We naturally change friends as we go through life. We meet like-minded individuals and then our minds grow and develop, sometimes leaving said friendship faltering behind. Its not every time we lose a friendship that we actually feel that its a loss. 

And then theres times when your completely taken off guard and all of a sudden those you considered your close friends seem to be withdrawing themselves from your life. The chatting slows, the tone changes, meet ups are few and far between. And no matter how much you try to convince yourself that your just paranoid, it doesn’t mean they no longer want your friendship, or that your just being a bit needy…those thoughts no longer sound convincing.

Im not a jealous type, nor do i like to be with people 24/7. I like my own space and can be perfectly happy in my own company. That being said, and in relation to the fact i have lost friends, I have come to value the friends I do have left. Especially the ones i feel were special. Sad, right?

Thats what has made it so much harder recently to know that those i think of as good friends are disappearing. I cant understand if its through something i have done? Although, i know i havent done anything to warrant what feels like being cut out (even if its unintentional). I keep wondering ‘were we really friends to begin with?’. I thought so. I hope so.

I hate that this is something thats upsetting to me. I am a strong person 90% of the time, and about as emotional as a rock, but this seems to of brought feelings of loneliness and sadness to the surface.

All i really know is that I miss my friends. 

Thats all.

Health = Happiness?

Personally, I can admit that i have been an unhealthy individual for years. Im not overweight, or suffering from a physical illness as such. I have battled my way through eating disorders, and anxiety, coming out the other side however not with what would be considered a good level of health.

Recently, I became completely fed up of not feeling like a fit, healthy 27 year old. This is the prime of life, what the hell am I achieving sitting on my arse evening after evening? Other than it being boring as sin, im wasting potential. Potential to be the best version of myself. Potential to be happy.

So Im now taking myself on a ‘fitness journey’! I have dedicated myself to making time for eating at least 3 times day, drinking COPIUS amounts of water, and working out 5 times a week.

I do however despise gyms, just all the ego floating around completely turns me off from those places! So currently im undertaking it all at home, with a small weights set up.

I’ll be tracking and blogging about my progress and how its genuinely making me feel 😊

It anyone is on a similar journey, then best of luck. YOU CAN DO IT!

Check out my Romanian deadlifts…

Follow my progress on instagram too @shivc 👍